W.W.W.A.R.D.?
GLAM THE FUCK OUT.

"Axl had a muscle spasm probably caused by the slippery stage wings that slowed him down..." according to an email from Team Axl to Sp1at.

But hell, if I was suffering from a muscle spasm in Rio, I'd be dressed to kill too. In gold lame. And a corset-looking-thingy.

Luckily, the spasm didn't stop Axl from catching the next flight home to Cali so that he can make it to Madonna's kick-off show tonight.

[Source: http://www.sp1at.com/]
[Photo courtesy of: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/05/30/icymi-bizzaro-axl-spazes-at-rock-n-rio/]
[Check out the Rock in Rio performances: http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=52965]

Now that Mommy's Not Around...
It's just been sheer birthday madness for Axl. First it was Rosario Dawson. Now it's noname - except she has one! - British model, Sophie Anderton, at her 29th birthday party.

They made eyes across London's Boujis club, ran to each other's bony arms, then started grinding like monkeys caught in a thick jungle heat.

Lucky for you, Where's Axl? caught some of their dialogue. He's more of a ladies' man than we thought:

W.A.R. [sounding growly]: Hey. Nice tits.
S.A.: Thaaanks.
W.A.R.: So. Whaddya know?
S.A. [girlish laugh]: I had SUCH a crush on you when you did that 'Come to my Jungle' video.
W.A.R.: Oh yeah?
S.A.: Yeah. My mum made me shut off MTV by 7 o'clock because it was my bedtime, but I'd go to sleep dreaming of that stringy hair. And those gangly arms.
W.A.R.: That makes me hard.
S.A.: [tee hee] Hey, what're you doing?
W.A.R.: Checking your tag.
S.A.: Huh?
W.A.R.: Just wanted to see if you were "Made in Heaven."

[The next thing we knew, he was all over her like a bad rash].


[source: http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=52922]
[photo courtesy of: www.entertainmentwise.com]

This Just In:
Axl Rose claims Tommy Hilfiger is misunderstood.
Remember when we told you about Rosario Dawson being all hot and Axl all playing for her at the Plumm last Thursday?

Well, Axl pussed out and got slapped by Tommy Hilfiger. Wait, Axl Rose got slapped by Tommy Hilfiger?

Yes, AXL ROSE WAS SLAPPED BY TOMMY HILFIGER.

According to Page Six, Axl moved Tommy's girlfriend's drink to keep it from spilling, and Tommy unloaded on Axl. I don't know who's gayer, Axl, for moving Tommy's girlfriend's cocktail or Tommy for slapping Axl.

Oh wait. Moot point.

Tommy was pissed that Axl moved his grrrl's drink, so he kept throwing punches to the rocker's face. Inside sources say that Tommy was out for blood and even tried to break Axl's legs with an umbrella from his new line of American Ex-Pats Back Return to America accessories.

It was Tommy's own bodyguard who eventually pulled him from the club. "He just kept smacking me," Rose told KROQ when he stopped by. In an interview with Page Six's Richard Johnson, he said, "I don't hold any grudge against him. I just don't understand him."

After the brouhaha, Rose took the stage and dedicated "You're Crazy" to the fashionista.

The event even forced people to choose rocker v. designer. Lenny Kravitz sided with Hilfiger while Kid Rock had Axl's back. In case anyone was confused about all the Botoxed flesh that was swinging about, Kid offered this insight: Apparently, there's a celebrity hierarchy, and Hilfiger was pissed because he's not as popular as Rose. Kid claims that this "food chain" begins with "mere mortals" and works up to sports icons. "After that it's movie stars, then rock stars, then Michael Jordan." Hilfiger is higher than a mere mortal but lower than Axl Rose.

There is speculation that this was more than a random brawl between Who's Who on the Hollywood D-List. Apparently, Axl's dating Hilfiger's adopted brother's ex-wife. HOMOSAYWHAT?

"The combatants have been at odds since Rose started dating Diane O'Connor, the ex-wife of Hilfiger's adopted brother, denim designer Michael H," Johnson explains.

Personally, I think this was a case of straight-up jealousy. Hilfiger just sold his Khaki Kingdom for $1.6 billion and is clearly jealous of Rose, especially of his resurgence, his killer braids, and the about-to-be-released- sure-it'll-kick-ass-I- swear-it'll- come-out-and-go- straight-to-number-one Chinese Democracy. What does Hilfiger have anymore? NOTHING.

But it was this gem that made the night pure magic: "Kid Rock got trampled by people running over. It was unbelievable," says one source, via Blabbermouth.

Too bad he wasn't doing Scott Stapp at the time.

[Sources: http://www.nypost.com/gossip/pagesix/pagesix.htm
http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=52546]
[Photo courtesy of: http://www.entertainment-news.org/breaking/41752/tommy-hilfiger-wrapped-up-in-takeover.html]

Rosario Puts the Rose Back in-- eh, fuck this shit
So Blabbermouth, my go-to-guys for all things Axl, got word that last night, Axl and company [new Gunners, not the old ones] rocked out for Rosario Dawson's surprise birthday party at Plumm in Chelsea.

Apparently, the fest was star-studded, if you consider the likes of C-Listers Mickey Rourke and Eric Balfour studs. I prefer to think it was a pitch for the newest season of the "Surreal Life," but what do I know?

Axl was there with Dizzy and the crew - and naturally, Del James was in tow, riding Axl's coattails and most likely telling everyone in sight that he penned a little collection called The Language of Fear years ago, it's out of print, and why don't you suckers go buy it?

[Caveat: This sucker did. It's as every bit tripe-tastic as one would expect from a douchebag named Del James, but I digress].

The show was an intimate, kareaoke-style acoustic one, with the lyrics to the songs on a projector behind Axl himself. They split up the three "November Rain" solos, giving Bumblefoot the finale, but the solos stayed acoustic for a pretty kickass hollow sound.

Still, it's no Slash next to a church.

At the end of the set, Axl brought out Rosario, who tore shit up, screaming into the mic, "THEY'VE NEVER PLAYED ALL ACOUSTIC, THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING, HOW MUCH DOES THIS MAN FUCKING ROCK!?"

Yet another reason to love Rosario Dawson. Plus she's hot as shit.

[Photo courtesy of: www.keebler.net]
[Source: http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=52498]

Where's Izzy?
First off, FUCK MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD*.

Okay, so on Wednesday, the last night at the Hammerstein, Axl pulled out all stops when Izzy Stradlin returned for three classics: "Think About You," "Patience," and "Night Train."

Axl's Note to Self: Leave Kid Rock at home. Bring Slash.

Is Stradlin back for good? If so, I know a Bizz who'd love to hook up with the Izz. [Okay, so she'd rather hook up with Gilby, but I couldn't resist].

*[fuck this shit: http://www.canada.com/components/print.aspx?id=11fbf4a8-282a-4d18-954f-546709b1240f&k=32073]
[Photo courtesy of: http://www.gunsnroses.gr/interviews/interviews.htm]
[Source: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1532025/20060518/story.jhtml]

Red Leather Day
Yes, I know I've been out of it for a couple of months. Oh well, eat shit, MFers. I'm back, and so is Axl. He's been rockin' it up in NYC, though rumor has it that he's lost his fire.

Wait, what? Is it possible that someone who's taken up with former-nemesis Sebastian Bach has lost his fire? Bach can't be a firesucker - surely not Bach, who's been going at it as the Beast on the Broadway stage.

Still, they seemed awfully chummy Friday night at the NYFUCKINCITY party at 6's and 8's on the Lower East Side. He came with an entourage [sadly, Gilby wasn't invited] and refused photos. Thank God for those NY Animals - their Jackie O'Nasty gave us images to-die-for.

Okay, so maybe not to-die-for. But definitely to-eat-several-handfuls-of-salted-peanuts-and-then-fight-bouts-of-constipation-for. Which, frankly, is just as good.

[Source: http://www.animalnewyork.com/2006/05/axl_rose_practices_chinese_dem_1.php]