Chuck *Hearts* Axl
The recently-axed Spin icon sounds off on the new Chinese Democracy album.

With a re-worked "Think About You" and other songs such as "Thursday Morning Strip Club" and "Slash and Burned" [guess what that one's about, kids], CD apparently kicks a lot ass, but Chuck swears it wasn't worth the 15 years.

Klosterman puts it into perspective: "If you purchased a kitten on the day that Use Your Illusion I & II arrived in stores, it’s probably dead by now."

And if your kitten's not dead, it's probably too old to rock.

Still, he isn't afraid to ask the clutch question: "Does Chinese Democracy accomplish its goal? After all this time and all that money, will this album truly bring democracy to China?"

That, my friends, can only be revealed by the Chuckles himself: http://www.spin.com/reviews/magazine/2006/03/060323_gunsnroses/

[photo courtesy of www.noisemarketing.com/simonandschuster/klosterman/ForumIcons/Chuck_275x275.jpg]

KORN Plays Cemetery
In a bizarre ode to Rob Zombie that --let's face it-- only Rob Zombie could pull off, rockers KORN threw a raucous party in a Hollywood cemetery.

KORN threw the party to announce that their seventh album, "See You on the Other Side," just plain ROCKS! And they thought, "Why should the living be the only ones who get to hear it?" Those boys - always looking out for others.

When the El Paso Observer spoke with James "Munky" Shaffer recently, they asked, "Were you excited to see Axl Rose at your cemetery party?"

Shaffer replied, "He's a legend. Out of all the cemeteries in Los Angeles he came to ours."

That's right he did. Because Charlie Manson's not dead yet.

[link to the Charlotte Observer: http://www.charlotte.com/mld/observer/entertainment/14119670.htm]

[photo courtesy of: http://www.rootsweb.com/~usgenweb/wi/cemetery/lafayette-gratiot.html]

Axl and Lindsay Make Out
Er, well, we haven't gotten proof of it just yet. But we do know that they did run into each other at NYC's Butter last night, thanks to the NY Daily News' in-depth reporting.

But really, who wouldn't want to make out with that? --->


[link to the NYDN's Front Page: http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/400478p-339225c.html]
[photo courtesy of: http://www.liquidgeneration.com/blog/2005_09_01_archive.html]

Helsinki Says 'Hell Fuckin' Yeah!'
The tour kicks off this May in Lisbon, but it's Helsinki that's feenin' for some Axl.

Lippupalvelu, the Finnish ticket retailer [but you knew that already], said on Monday that the July 5 Gn'R show sold out in eight minutes.

Apparently, many fans were left waiting in line, pining for their tickets to the Gun Show. Poor Tuomas was so upset that he read voraciously.

[Holy crap, Tuomas! I almost shot you - clever camo, buddy].

Seriously, dude, cheer up. Buying the tickets is only half the battle - what are the chances that Axl will actually show?

[from Blabbermouth: http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=49558]
[pic courtesy of: www.sawdoctors.com]

My Apologies to Richard Johnson
Apparently, Page Six DID know where Axl was - wiping spittle from his contact lens.

In his column on March 12, Johnson wrote:

"The fascinatingly mercurial GUNS N' ROSES frontman [Axl Rose] fled club Stereo late Thursday night after a drunken fan inadvertently spat in his eye. Axl, sporting braids in a ponytail and looking puffy in a white sweater, was tolerating the sloppy dude's boozy line of questioning until some spittle landed on his contacts. 'Axl started yelling, 'My [bleep]ing eyes! My contacts,' reports our spywitness. 'He became irate. He ran out of the club with one eye closed and knocked over Stephon Marbury on his way out the door. He left his whole entourage behind.' The eye-closing experience was the final stop of the night for the easily enraged Rose."

There were no accompanying photos, but I imagine it looked something like this.

Is it wrong to think Axl deserves props for not strangling the guy with an extension?

Aw, Kids, I think our boy's growing up quite nicely.

[photo courtesy of: http://www.esmas.com/espectaculos/musica/376644.html
The New York Post's Page Six column courtesy of Blabbermouth: http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=49481]

Axl in La La Land
Well, in the L.A. airport* this weekend, at the very least.

What I want to know is who dressed him, Mary-Kate? Honey, Hobo Chic is as over as pomegranate juice and laxatives. Get with it.

Still, I guess it is better than a catcher's uniform. Or that Charlie Manson graphic tee.

Holy crap, is that a toolbox at his feet!? Good to know that in the event an airplane bolt pops loose, Axl'll be there to screw it back in.

I hope to god it was Tom Ridge's idea to give Axl that toolbox - if only to make my life a little more perfect.

*says this mobile phone photographer extraordinnaire, courtesy of Splat: http://www.sp1at.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=223&Itemid=99999999

Why Do You Look at Me if You Hate Me?
It's been a week since Axl filed suit against former Gn'R bandmates Slash, Duff, and Matt [apparently Gilby doesn't count?], in which he accused them of making “negative and malicious statements about [him in the press] in order to garner publicity" as part of "a vindictive attempt to aggrandize their own stature, [and] rewrite history through false statements."

And according to that pinnacle of journalism, MTV, gunner Axl also said that Slash had told him, "'Duff was spineless,' 'Weiland was a fraud,' and that he 'hates Matt Sorum.'" [I think it's a pretty safe bet that Carson Daly yelled 'Snap!' at that 'spineless' comment].

And this, just weeks after Slash nearly wet himself on British radio about how he couldn't wait for Axl and the new Guns N' Roses to finally release Chinese Democracy - this year.

According to the statement written by Axl and his lawyer Howard Weitzman [I think we'll be seeing that name a lot], they claim that Slash and Duff continue to offer "ever changing and false stories" about the group's roots and that the Velvet Revolver members want to commercially exploit Gn'R hits - including "Welcome to the Jungle," "Paradise City," and "Sweet Child O' Mine" - "as if it were fast food by anyone willing to pay for it."

I don't know about you, but I know that if I saw a fast food commercial featuring "Welcome to the Jungle," I'd eat it.

But only pussies take this lying down, and Weiland is no pussy [caveat: Scott Weiland and I have been connected ever since that 2000 STP show when my friend Loaf and I shoved our way to the front row of the pit in time to sing "Sex Type Thing" into his mic and groped his chest].

In retaliation, Weiland has posted a letter on Velvet Revolver's website, which allegedly [my work internet blocks www.velvetrevolver.com, go figure] reads:

“Get in the ring. Go to the gym motherfucker, or if you prefer, get a new wig motherfucker. I think I’ll resist the urge to stoop to your level. Oh shit, here it comes, you fat, botox faced, wig wearin fuck!

O.K. I feel better now.

Don’t think for a second we don’t know where those words came from. Your unoriginal, uncreative little mind, the same mind that had to rely on its bandmates to write melodies and lyrics. Who’s the fraud now bitch?

Damn, I couldn’t imagine people writing for me. How many albums have you put out man and how long did it take the current configuration of this so-called band to make this album? How long? And without the only guys that validated the name. How dare you! Shame on you! How dare you call our bass player spineless? We toured our album over a year and a half. How many shows have you played over the last ten years? Oh, that’s right - you bailed out on your long awaited comeback tour, leaving your remaining fans feeling shall we say a trifle miffed?!

I won’t even list what I’ve accomplished because I don’t need to. What we’re talking about here is a frightened little man who once thought he was king, but unfortunately this king without his court is nothing but a memory of the asshole he once was.

Yours truly Scott Weiland”

Sounds like Weiland has his next number one penned and ready.

[get the dirt: http://www.gigwise.com/news.asp?contentid=14569
http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/eo/20060307/114178680000.html
http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2006/03/13/scott_weiland_unleashes_on_axl_rose]
[photo courtesy of: http://www.lt24online.com.ar/2004news/01/27b.html]

Where's Axl?
a. Fishing for trout in Montana wearing Jeff Bridges' "Starman" suit that he bought on eBay.
b. Wrestling Loni, the local bartender from Mitchell who could've been a Coors twin if she'd been a twin, in a big vat of lime Jell-o.
c. Discussing the intricacies of Corey Feldman's "Pico the Woodworm" character over a cup of coffee with Art Clokey.

Look, I don't know where Axl is. Neither does Page Six. And I guarantee Scooter Libby hasn't a clue. All I know is I miss Axl and his screwball antics.

And I know I'm not the only one.

Sure, W. Axl Rose was an ass. Yes, he got into lots of trouble with the law. And he certainly has said things that even I can't condone, let alone defend.

But the dude could rock. And frankly, a world that honors 3 Doors Down as a hard rock group and produces Scott Stapp as the next great sex symbol is no place I want to live. Where's Axl? Who doesn't want to know?

This site is dedicated to all things Axl - his videos, his whereabouts, his eccentricities, and perhaps - just perhaps - his genius. I promise to give you all things Axl, all things Gn'R... unless I get bored and write about things not-Axl-related [ie: sharks, pierogies, Wyld Stallion, Amy Sedaris, the wedge heel]. You'll just have to tune in every day* and see. As long as this crafty cat eludes the public, our site is gonna stick around. Which means I, like you, hope our waifish redheaded icon reappears and we can stop asking the question.

Where the f*#k is Axl?
In your soul, Friend. In your soul.

-kb

*Note: By no means do I plan to publish updates every day.

[sketch by Danny Filippone from: http://www.treelink.com/flippart/macros/macro_illustrations.htm]